While shopping, the designer of my entourage dresses B suggested I write a book about all of my love life mishaps and triumphs. She thinks that my life is so interesting that it deserves to get published. I don’t think people will waste time and resources to listen to my telenovela but I thought of writing a few of the lessons I’ve learned about love, relationships, and breakups in this post (because I am procrastinating other more important errands).
This has no structure. Some might not even make sense. But these are my truths–
MY LOVE LIFE LESSONS:
1) TURN EACH AWFUL EXPERIENCE INTO A BLESSING
I’ve always believed that I was a lucky girl. And I’ve always attributed that luck to my sign Sagittarius because I’ve read that apparently, it is the luckiest of the Zodiac.
Growing up, I almost never failed exams. I got accepted to all the schools I ever applied for. Even as an adult, I bagged the scholarship I was aiming for. In other words, I always make the cut.
I was lucky in life, I thought, but never in love.
I’ve been in a few relationships and even though most of the men I’ve been with treated me well, I always end up running away from them. When the going gets tough, I hit the eject button and parachute to safety. I got stuck in one long relationship though coz I cruised through that while working hard at my career. I allowed it to take years of my life only to end up being cheated on.
It was only a few years later that I realised why that had to happen. (I needed to gain courage to be able to handle what I now consider as the worst part of my life so far. So glad that was over!) And when I had that enlightenment, I was able to turn the bitterness into gratefulness. That painful experience made me stop attributing the good things that come into my life to luck. I began to fully recognise that it isn’t really luck but a blessing from God. No luck in the world can ever give you the grace to make you perceive what should be an awful experience as a gift of wisdom instead. Only God and His divine power can do that.
When you try to see everything–good or bad– as a gift, your perspective in life makes a 180-degree turn. When you are in a terrible situation but you have that beautiful perspective, you get to tell yourself “God has a plan for me. He shall reveal it when the time comes. So all I really need to do is to trudge strong now and take whatever lesson I can from this. And yes, through Him, this too, shall pass.”
I sound like a broken record when I share this kind of perspective with my friends. But I think that really, the key to having a good life is just seeing the beauty in every situation and recognising that life is short and you ought to make the best out of every moment and move along. Always move forward. Never dwell on the bad stuff. Never dwell on breakups especially the bad ones. It will only make you harbour ill feelings. You need to lighten your load in order for you to take the next step as gracefully as possible. Take note: GRACEFULLY. Always do everything with class and poise. And no, sending your exes loooong and bitter emails is not being graceful about the breakup.
Additional tip: Do not be enemies with your exes. Even those who cheated on you. Learn to forgive them. Always remember that it is NOT YOUR BURDEN to bear. That is their sin and they are answerable to God for their ways. Do not trouble your heart for what they ought to carry themselves. Make peace with yourself and with them.
2) NEVER ASSUME BUT GO GET WHAT YOU WANT
I am never the type who assumes a guy likes me or is in love with me until he says it out loud and asks me to be his girlfriend. Neither am I the type who just waits for the cookie to bake. I go ahead and buy the cookie at the store when I feel like eating one. hahahaha. Life is, again, too short to dilly-dally. I never allow room for uncertainty especially when it comes to relationships. It’s either we are a couple or we are not. I never assume the role of girlfriend when the guy has not officially asked me. I never act like I am entitled to anything if I am not officially given the privilege because when you think that way, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. A guy who really likes you will pursue you no matter what. If there is one thing I have learned in life it is that nothing can stop a man in love. He will chase and he will pursue and the girl will KNOW in her heart. And she will never have to ask or beg for attention. It will be handed to her on a silver platter by the man who deserves her too.
But even if I am never the type to assume, I am also not the type who will shy away from confrontation. If I feel like a guy is leading me on, I am quick to ask, “Hey, what is your deal?” Or if I feel like he is taking me on a trip, I am quick to call him out.
When I first felt like the DBF and I had that “tension”, I was quick to pull him out of a party to warn him that I am not the type who is just looking for a short term deal. That if and when he plans to pursue me, he ought to be in it for the long haul. Otherwise, we can both save each other the time and effort. I have NO SHAME in admitting that I confronted him and gave him the most awkward “talk” of his life. (I still cringe when he makes me remember but I have NO REGRETS! Ha!)
So to every girl who is in a “complicated” relationship or is unsure of her place or where she stands, I say–
1) Know what you really want
2) Don’t be afraid to ask but be ready for the honest truth
3) Have the courage to walk away from what is obviously will just shortchange you. God has a better plan for you!
These life lessons are not the type that mothers will pass on to their children. These are also not taught in school. They are learned through experience. And I am sharing these here not because I am an expert but because maybe, someone out there needs to read this. Maybe some clueless girl trudging through life needs to get a Love Survival 101.
I am being very reflective because I am about to get married soon. And I just published our pre-nuptial pictures. And everything is happening fast that I needed time to process things and make sense of my own life experiences.
I don’t know if we will do good at this marriage thing. What I know is that what makes us hopeful is that we have allowed God to be at the center of our relationship. It sounds like a cliché especially when it comes from Christian couples but it’s true! I’ve had happy relationships in the past but nothing felt this fulfilling and meaningful because in the past, I have forgotten to discuss faith and God with my partner. I have forgotten to lift everything up to Him.
When the DBF and I fight and we end up patching things up, we are quick to recognise that perhaps God really wants us to be together because He has been finding ways for us to be OKAY.
If I did not allow God to heal my past hurts, if I did not know what I want and get it, if I shied away from confrontation, I don’t think I will even get to this point. If I clung to my past relationships, I would never have met this handsome and thoughtful guy I am about to marry. If I allowed myself to waste time in uncertain relationships, I would never reach this happy point.
I say free yourself from the chains of the past! Know what you want and get the life you think you deserve! And don’t ever ever forget that the only power that can make all of your dreams come true can only come from the divine. Do not exclude God from your life.
Sharing with you the music video I edited out of the raw files Photogenics gave us.
Of course, our theme is “Love Travels”.