I read this on my feed: “I hope you fall in love with someone who makes you feel like home.”
It’s crazy because the first time I kissed Mike, my husband, the way I had described it was that it felt like “Home.”
Home is your place of residence. Home is where you reside. But maybe in relationships, home is specifically where your heart resides comfortably.
2016 is a year of trying to settle in Zürich, Switzerland, my new home. It is also the year wherein I went home to the Philippines twice. I was lucky enough to spend quality time with my family. And each time I get to spend with them makes me value them even more.
It’s funny how distance made me closer to my parents. I talk to my Papa almost everyday now that we are apart. As a kid, if somebody would tell me that there will come a time that I would be super open about my life with my father, I would probably laugh in disbelief. I used to consider my Papa as “the Boss”–someone so authoritative that it’s hard to appear vulnerable around him. But as I grew older, I realized that Papa is the first person who will have my back come what may. And he has always had my back, he’s just more showy and vocal now. Papa has provided a great home for us. And whenever I feel lost, I call him to somehow feel closer to home…to my safe zone.
That’s also what Mama stands for, although just more warm and gentle. I have been blessed with such a loving mother that imagining my self as one becomes a bit harder because I am not sure how I can actually be even half as great as her as a mom!
My brother is a man of few words. But whenever he talks, it’s usually to say something sarcastic, witty, and funny. I worry about him even from afar. I worry because he is my only brother and even if he’s grown to be a responsible man, I just worry as a big sister for whatever he does. I worry he’d meet an accident during a basketball game. I worry he won’t be able to fix everything before his wedding next year. But I also hope for the best for him all the time. I remember being home alone one time with him– He opens the door of my room and all of a sudden throws a pillow at me. Of course, I asked him why he’s such a crazy person and he’d tell me it’s because he’s bored. When our parents are away traveling, we’re left with no choice but to endure each other. My semblance of home always constitutes the presence of my brother.
Before the year ended, my husband met a freak accident at a basketball game. He twisted his knee, tore his ACL, and snapped his meniscus disc. As I write this, I’m watching him feel bored in the couch as we await for his surgery schedule. This accident forced us to be together 24/7. There were moments he’d feel scared about the operation as he’s never had one and he’d ask for a hug from me. In these precious moments, I realized that the feeling of home, of being safe, of having someone to support you, of not being alone, is so empowering and is really what love is all about. When you have someone over extend himself for you… that’s concern, that’s care, and that’s love in action.
Yes, this year, I realized that the feeling of home…where your heart resides comfortably…is actually as close to feeling loved as possible. That in order for someone to feel loved, he must feel at home in one’s arms. I feel loved by my family and with them I feel that my heart is comfortable and safe. I feel extremely loved by my husband because even during the first time we met, he has already made me feel like my heart has a home to reside in. And he continues to make me feel that way up to now. 2 years into this marriage and I now fully understand that to love someone is to constantly decide to provide a safe haven for the other’s heart to reside in. Everyday, you have to make each other’s hearts feel like there’s KFC chicken and gravy, Mövenpick Swiss chocolate ice cream, or ice cold Coca-cola even when the other has a broken knee and cannot walk… most especially when the other cannot walk.